Sam's zatarc testing
by Rebecccca
Summary: I don't know about you but I've always wondered what Sam would have said in her Zatarc testing... This is my attempt at what could have been said. It's a one shot and I've literally just written it now. I have used parts of dialogue and scenes from 'Upgrades' and 'Divide and conquer' for the flashbacks and the ending.


**A/N: This is the off stage confession that Sam had to give about her feelings towards Jack. I mean after Jack's confession I couldn't believe we didn't get to hear Sam's! I have used some dialogue from the episode that this occurs in. 'Divide and conquer'. and flashbacks from 'upgrades'. The flashbacks are in italics, when I say flashbacks I mean glimpses of the iconic heartfelt emotional scene in 'upgrades'. I've written this super fast so I'll come back to edit it soon, I just had to get it out my system. I hope you enjoy!**

"Now retest me"

Major Carter is strapped into the chair, feeling nauseous, she takes a deep breath scanning around the room for some sort of comfort, and there she found it. Stood at a slight distance from Anise was her CO, Colonel O'Neill, the same CO who just said the very words that turned her inside out. She met his eyes, she was used to his encouraging gaze, but this one was different. She could compare the look to the way someone who was in- no she shouldn't think about the look. Clinging onto his eyes, she feels herself strengthening. She becomes perplexed, she can hear someone speaking to her, she disconnects the eye contact back to reality to Anise's awaiting face.

"Major Carter, are you ready to begin?"

"Yes."

"Tell me what happened after you collapsed."

"Well I woke up a little disorientated, then I saw Colonel O'Neill laying unconscious on the floor on the other side of the force shield so I said his name and he woke up."

"What happened after Colonel O'Neill woke up?"

"Well there was no way that I was going to be able to get through that force shield so I tried to tell the Colonel to leave me behind but he refused. He hit that control panel so much I'm surprised it didn't break, but it was Goa'uld design, impenetrable- and we didn't exactly have our weapons on us."

"And what did Colonel O'Neill do?"

"He didn't leave me."

 _"Sir…!"_

 _"I know! I know!"_

"Did you want Colonel O'Neill to leave you?"

"Well yeah, if he stayed he would have died."

"So you were fine with him leaving you?"

"It meant saving his life, of course I was."

"How were you feeling at that time?"

"Scared."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I was about to be blown up." The machine's imagine began to change, Colonel O'Neill glances at Anise concerned.

"Carter" he warns.

"What, sir?

"C'mon, think about it. Whatever it is you can say it." She nods slowly at him.

"I was scared because he wouldn't leave me."

"Surely having Colonel O'Neill around in such a situation would be of comfort? Anise pushed.

"Not when you know he is willingly going to die when he could just as easily live."

 _(O'Neill is striking the control panel)_

 _"Sir, there's no time!"_

"Why did you want the Colonel to leave you so badly?"

"He didn't deserve to die just because your armbands fell off."

"Is that really the only reason?" At that question, Sam glanced at the Colonel quickly who was watching her intensely before Anise requested she look back at the device.

 _(O'Neill beating at the force shield control panel)_

 _"Sir! Just go!"_

 _"NO!"_

 _(O'Neill and Carter stare into each other's eyes)_

"I couldn't bare having to watch him die."

"Why?"

"Because I… my feelings for Colonel O'Neill go against the military rules regulations, although as my CO in that situation it was all his call, I had to demand that he leave and it was the rational thing to do." She pauses and thinks on the word 'rational', it wasn't a lie, but she knew the plea for him to go was more emotional- and he knew that. "I care about him too much… far too much for my own good…and the good of our team." She swallows. Carter's whole body tensed up, she didn't exactly want to reveal much, she hoped the brief exposure of her feelings were enough to prove she is innocent as it did the Colonel.

"You are also not a Zatarc."

"Thank you." A rush of relief engulfed her, she was in her own world for a brief second until Colonel O'Neill came to unstrap her from the chair. The tension between them was so strong, she wanted to throw her arms around him and just allow him to reassure her everything is going to be okay as he did whenever her heart was pounding this much. Their arms touch and she sucks in her breath, she doesn't know what will happen next with the information that was just shared, she only thanked God a little that Daniel and the General weren't in the room because then it'd be a full clown show.

"Carter…" She looks at him and instantly knows he's feeling the exact same as her, there are so many things she could say, or offer, but they were at the SGC and currently the life of the President was in delicate hands. Their planet came before them, it always has done.

"Sir…None of this has to leave this room." She reassures him.

"We're okay with that?" She can see he's not.

"Yes, Sir." A relief passed through the tension. They could hide their feelings in a box for a while longer while tormenting themselves and each other with the occasional glance, joke or touch. If they were ordinary then this would be torture, but they're not ordinary. Their feelings are shown daily through their gestures, consideration and their contributions to the best functioning team in the galaxy- in her opinion anyways. This was the proof that they truly loved the other, they both have to do their jobs, it's who they are. If they gave them up in the middle of this fight then it wouldn't be them, it wouldn't be a real love- just a selfish chase. And they weren't selfish people because this very mission proved it. He would have rather died himself than lose her, she couldn't bare to watch the man she loved die. One could not live without the other, a now not-so-secret secret that had kept them alive so long because for Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter, it was each other that made this long life worth living.


End file.
